27/6/99

English Recap of Pastor Hayashi's message

1 Peter 3:1-7: Healing Hurting Marriages

Pastor Hayashi began with the story of a marriage in severe pain--and yet　one that gave glory to Jesus. The story from Fukuoka began with 35 year old　woman entering a hospital in a wheelchair. She was married to a man whom　she had met doing Kendo at school. She was bright and cheerful. During hard　times, the husband had sacrificed taking a job in a police box and　sometimes she was there with him through the night. They had three daughters. Then tragedy hit, the mother contracted uterine cancer. Though it was treated, other parts of her body began to fail. She became weaker and in great pain. They prayed for healing. Though she died and the remaining four sorrowed, she left them with great hope. The witness of the Lord reached deeply to nurses and others in the hospital.

Marriage is good, and many here desire it. God designed marriage to bless the wife and the husband. God designed marriage to last 'until death do us part'. Your marriage is important to God. God understands marriage best.

God provides special support for the relationship between husband and wife.

God's Word contains clear instruction on how to have a blessed marriage, the most famous is Ephesians 5. By His Spirit in you, you men can love your wives like Christ loved the church, and you women can respect your husbands. God wants to bless your spouse through you.

However, marriage is not always easy. There are many tears and suffering.

Sometimes 'until death do us part' comes to early. Sometimes our spouse is the reason we suffer.

Peter's words are written to those whose marriages are not perfect. Peter wrote in order to heal hurting marriages. What can you do? What can you do when your spouse is the problem? when he/she is not listening to the Lord?

Peter's first words are to wives. Wives have probably suffered more in marriage throughout history.

Peter starts out, 'In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands'. In the same way as what?

The words 'in the same way' connect us to the previous verses, where we studied 'Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps' and 'Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.'

Let's look at the whole sentence. 'In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.' vv1-2

A wife may be suffering because her husband is be disobeying the Lord. Peter did not indicate whether the husband is a believer or not: his words apply in either case. Christian husbands often disobey the Lord; you wives know that. Unbelieving husbands don't obey the Lord; marriages is which the husband is an unbeliever occurred either because the wife became a believer after marriage or because she disobeyed the Lord and married an unbeliever.

This happens here in Japan and in the US, and probably happened in Rome. Women were probably a large part of Peter's audience; in Ome church 2/3 are women.

What is a wife to do? Quietly submit to her husband. This is a command with a promise. By submitting quietly it is possible to win the husband so that he submits to/obeys the Lord. You are unlikely to win him if you nag, control, or rebel. That drives a man to his own way, not to God's spirit.

Peter makes this promise because a submissive wife is most attractive the husband. The husband is confounded when his wife is truly Christlike. The husband is challenged if his wife trusts the Lord to lead him, because then he needs to trust the Lord to do what is right. The promise is stronger if the husband is a believer because the wife can trust God's spirit to convict him. However the promise is not a guarantee because men can be a hard nut to crack, and it might take time.

Women, do you want to be irresistibly beautiful? God find this attractive (men do too):

'Your adornment must not be merely external -- braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.' vv3-6

Sarah had good reason not to submit to Abraham. Sometimes Abraham had little faith and put Sarah in danger. Two times Abraham claimed that Sarah was his sister. Both times Sarah entered a harem. Another time Abraham listened to her and caused Sarah much distress because of Hagar and Ishmael.

Sarah's faith grew and she did not fear. She trusted the Lord and was not frightened by any fear. So she submitted to Abraham, and called him lord. You women can become like Sarah 'Sarah's children' and not fear. Many of you already trust the Lord firmly, but it can be scary when your husband is forceful and demanding. Though there are fears, God's word is to not be frightened (a choice of the will). Because you trust the Lord you can submit to your husbands.

Peter also wrote to husbands, who may be suffering in marriage. 'You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.' vs7

This command probably startled Roman believers. Pastor Hayashi says that most Roman men treated their wives like slaves. But Jewish believers knew that God made both men and women in God's image.

Husbands are commanded to understand and honor their wives. Take time to understand your wife, listen to her concerns and fears, tell her your weaknesses, treat her special. Do this even if she doesn't submit to you.

Your wife is valuable. She is given a place equal with you as God's heir. You must realize that. This 'same way' the husbands submit to the Lord.

Pastor Hayashi found an estimate of the hidden value of a wife: "Michael Minton estimated the monetary value of a wife's services in the home. First he listed the various functions she performs: chauffeur, gardener, family counselor, maintenance worker, cleaning woman, housekeeper, cook, errand runner, bookkeeper/budget manager, interior decorator, caterer, dietitian, secretary, public relations person, hostess. Using this impressive list of household duties, Minton figured the dollar value of a housewife's work in the 1981 labor market. He came up with the amount of $785.07 a week. That's $40,823.64 a year!"

THIS MEANS THAT A WIFE WAS FAR MORE VALUABLE THAN A MAN'S OWN WORK!!! (by comparing the average salary 20 years ago.)

Men, your wife is your ally; she is the helper that God gave you. The word 'helper' in the Bible most often refers to God. Your wife is not less than you. As your helper, your wife is God's agent in your life.

This command contains an impressive warning for husbands. If you don't understand and honor your wives, your prayers may be hindered. Peter is not saying that a noisy wife is the obstacle to prayer. If a husband does not honor his wife, love her and try to understand her, then he is not living by faith. Without faith, his prayers are obviously hindered. So husbands, submit to the Lord and honor your wife.

Peter wrote to those who marriages are hurting. But you don't have to wait until your marriage is hurting. You can do this now and make your marriage even better. Men, your wives will find you attractive if you honor and try to understand them. Women, your husbands will find you irresistibly attractive if you submit.

In conclusion, the marriage between man and woman is important to God.

Trust your marriage to God and trust His Word about marriage. God knows best about marriage. He will support you. Listening to God's Word and obeying brings blessing. Your marriage can glorify God 'until death do you part.'

(Translated and arranged by Henk Roy)